複雜人生 • 簡單心情

雖然是同一班公車，但是我們是做不同一截。到了skytrain站，他也跟我做不同分向的skytrain，其實我不是很注意他，那時也沒有覺得很可惜。

我們這節課的老師教得很～慢，前幾節的內容都是複習的東西，理論上來講，這些內容都在prerequisites 的課早就交過了，老師本身因該簡單的帶過就okay了，不該深入講原子的構造跟中子跟電子，我們在第一年的化學早就交過了，也許是因為老師是從別的學校來，第一次教書還不太抓得住課程的節拍。

我一個人靜靜的坐在教室裡，等著TA來上課。這節tutorial得出席率是會算分的，不然我也不想早上九點半來上課。這是新學期得第二個禮拜，教室窗外的天氣依 然是夏天的景觀 -- 綠葉、鳥叫聲 (不騙你，我真得有聽到) 、陽光。坐在這四十多年的老教室，心裡想著我的暑假算是真正結束了。

當我搭著公車上山上課
我看到他上車，坐在我斜對面

Ryan是我最近認識的同學，他跟我chem 122 & 126同班，可是我從來就沒有在lecture hall看過他，我是再做lab的時候認識他。其實我一開始對他沒有印象，只是覺得他的很大型safety goggle很特別。他在我隔壁的bench，所以作實驗也沒有交集，我到是跟我的那跟bench的人感情很好。不過重點是實驗課不是用來看帥哥，是要注意那chemical reaction(這可是有關於成績ㄟ)，所以就這樣過了好幾個禮拜直到experiment 8 才有了變化。

After the Coquitlam's new year celebration, it is more obivous to me that Harry thinks of me as one of his buddies, just like what Helen said. So sad. Why do I need other people to tell me the truth? Why I am so blind when it comes to the truth? Am i subconsciously avoiding the issue and pretending everything is like what I think it is--he likes me, i like him. NO. It's freakingly the oppopiste.

Sometimes I wonder "Am I pathetic or stupid or both?" I think the answer is quite obvious. Of course it's both. Lately I have been thinking about Harry (not me, the other Harry) I thought Yanco would be the last straight man I would fall in love with. Now I stuck in the same cycle all over again. Christine asked me why I kept making the same old mistake again and why couldn't I find the right man to fall in love with. Well, if it was that simple, I wouldn't be here talking the same issue again and again, right? I think my gaytar is not quite mature to detect other people's inner "gayness" I made a mistake about Yanco, but Harry, I am not so sure. Yes, some of his gestures are girly, and no one has ever seen a single picture of his so call "girlfriend" who he claims is in Taiwan. I know I am being paranoid, but I just can't shake the feeling.

Michael 是我這學期math151跟phys101的同學　他本名因該不是Michael　我從來就沒有跟他講過話，我當然也不知道他的名字　Michael 只是我給他的別名　如果被我掰到　那...........我就太神了　給他Michael這個名字是因我覺得他的特質跟Michael這個名字很配　他算是很manly man　在我同輩的帥哥白人同學大多都還帶著陽光男孩般的男孩氣質　並不是我不愛男孩的稚氣　只是我不被這種特質吸引也不是我在尋找另外一半的特點　Michael就不一樣啦　他看起來就非常的成熟　非常的高壯但是又不是壯的很誇張　簡單來講就是swimmer-built body　crystal blue eyes with很有個性的鬍子　AHHH!!　真是成熟的帥到極點　這在我們同年中非常少見(他因該是跟我同年吧　因該沒有大三大四的學生拿這種introduction的課吧 But then again, how would I know? I know nothing about him)