So it's officially 2012. 2011 was a great year in a twisted and turn way for me. First I got into a relationship with someone that I have know of for years but never went forward to get know him. Why? Because he was too "sissy" for me. Sissy is an ungly word but it was the truth. He was acting in a way that no one would be surprsied if he said he was gay. Anyways he entered my life and man it was whirlwind romance. We got into relationship one day before I left for coop in Summerland. We said "I love you" to each other after few weeks into the long distance relationship. We, or more precisely I, rushed our first time when he came to Summerland for Valentine's Day. It was a romantic gesture and I ruined it with my impatient lust which I still feel bad even today. He however always embrace my "spontaneity" and I love him for that. This romantic vacation ended badly after he told he had doubt with our relationship and I refused to talk to him for a day. But don't worry because of course we made up and the really weird thing was that he told me recently that it was after that he realized he really loved me. Go figure. Then we had our first trip together as a couple and it was lovely. I now remember we had a fight about something the night before he flew to Kelowna and I have no recollection what we were fighting about. To tell the truth, I don't think we really fought. Yes we had arguements and it was usually one side being the angry and the other one being quiet because he knew he was wrong. It is something I'm pround of that we never fight and I hope we can keep it that way. We are going to celebrate our first anniversary in two days . Can you believe it! I can't, well couldn't when we began our relationship. Today we celebrate New Year Eve with the best possible way -- with people you love and with family. We cooked dinner for my family and he stayed at my house for the night, and most importantly I got to kiss my baby when the clock struck 12. It was a lovely way to end a great year and begin a fantastic year and I just know it.
2011 also marked the first time I left home for work. I had always lived with my parents and finally there was this chance to move for work, even though it was still in the same province. I moved out for 8 months and I loved every seconds of it, except I had to be away from my baby. Now looking back, we got lucky becasue the distance forced us to slow down when we both were so eager to be in love with the idea of being in a relationship, not in each other. It made us had to get to know each other first before we got love rushing into our head. Life is funny sometimes. Anyways I also got to meet with a lot of exciting people, made lots of great friends, and see many "interesting" people. I missed them because they filled my life in Summerland so much fun. Melissa, Colleen and Susan's were my great colleagues whom I just loved working with them everyday. Vivian was my support system and so was I to her. It is because of Vivian that I got to travel around interior BC (Nelson). Julie, John and Lesley filled my summer with activities and parties that I will treasure forever. I know will miss listening to Lily's rant in her car during our carpool and listening to Kathy's life stories. I have always thought I have an average boring life but my life is full of interesting characters that I dpn't feel a bore when I'm listening to them. Living in Summerland also made me relaized how much I long for independence and know what are the costs for that. The experience doesn't discourage me from getting my independence; it made me realize I do want it and I will know I need to cautious when apporoaching mine.
2011 is the beginning of a transition for me: from school to work. 2010 was the last year of I spent at SFU which it didn't occur to me before I left for coop. Although I was taking an online course (ECON 103 which I loathe to no end) during my first four months at Summerland, I was done with SFU. I finally got my bachelor after 6 years at SFU and it was unreal when I was holding my diploma. I finally did it. I thought I would never made it to the end, expecially after the first term. Now I made it and it felt awesome because I acheives something that was not required me of academically. SFU is a wonderful school and it was the place where I found my true love for science, which led me to BCIT. Oh man, BCIT is another beast. After completing the application package, jumping loops for two rounds of interviews, and got rejected and accepted to the program, I thought I had went though the worst part and oh how wrong I was. The worst part about the program is how demanding they are asking of you, and sometime it is a bit unreasonable. Next semester is going to be short and more intense than the first term and after that  I will start my praticums at VGH and BCCA which is just nerve wrecking. Hopefully with enough help and moral support from my baby, I know I can do it  and get certified as register technologist.

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我們交往快一個月了, 感情從一開始很熱情, 很狂野, 我們很快的講說我愛你, 升級成為男朋友. 現在我不知道開始有猶豫了, 感覺熱情有點消失了. 我變成Carrie了 (完蛋了), 沒男朋友在那邊自我哀怨, 現在有了, 開始擔心感情沒有, 抱怨來抱怨去, 不知道感恩, 不知道自己要什麼! 
是熱情燒完了嗎? 還是現在感情在細水長流? 還是你不在我身邊所以感情沒有了對像了? 這些問題我在困擾自己.

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我們大概是最蠢的情侶, 我在我離開溫哥華前一天問他要不要跟我交往, 他也很傻的說好. 現在我們才過一個禮拜就已經想對方想到心痛,上班都不專心了, 這樣要怎麼撐過四個月? 但也可能是距離的關係, 我們感情加溫的很快, 一開始我有點害怕, 害怕我們因為都沒有談過, 衝這麼快因為我們要談戀愛的感覺. 在這禮拜中, 我已經覺的我愛你, 我不敢跟你講因為我怕嚇到你. 那晚我們在msn的時候, 你提到你要煮飯給我吃, 我本來想打我愛你, 但是一樣怕嚇到你, 所以我改成i love that. 你回說不對, 你愛我! 我看到的時候很高興的馬上打我愛你, 才傳我的回應沒多久, 我就看到你的回應, 我也愛你. 
爽斃了
第一次我的愛不再是單線道, 我也有愛我的男人了. 後來我們skype要聽對方的聲音, 因為我們已經快忍受不住對方的思念. 我本來以為我會很尷尬不敢講我愛你. 結果你先講了, 我也很自然的說出口. 原來愛上一個人講出來愛是這麼的簡單. 
你覺得我們感情可以走到禮堂 (altar), 我們也說豬我愛你, 說實在話, 還再說我們還在dating中很奇怪的說. 死腦筋我的問你說我們是男朋友了嗎? 還是我們還再dating? 你笑笑的說我們發展的順序都反了, 再講我們還再dating很奇怪, 那我們就是男朋友了.

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雖然他不喜歡我叫他老爺,但是他看不到因為他不知道這個blog的存在(^^)
12/25, 10: 我們在facebook上交換彼此的性向,其實你先問我是不是之前在透過朋友刺探你的性向,我當場被抓包 但是你不是來confront的, 你只是無聊順便來搞清楚狀況. 等我們都明白了, 我問你明天boxing day想不想跟我去逛街, 你說Okay. 其實我問你是有目的的, 因為這樣子我就有理由甩掉steven.
12/26, 10: 我們的第一次"約會", 我們逛完Metrotwon以後, 不喜歡人擠人的你問我想不想去downtown逛, 你帶我去吃拉麵,吃甜點cheesecake跟三家飯店!我們沒有開房間, 我們只是去參觀的, 但是每逛到一家飯店你都會開玩笑的問我要不要開房間, 後來我認真的跟你講okay啊, 你反而chicken out, 問我說真的想要作那件事喔, 我笑笑的說進了房間了以後不一定要作那件事, 我們就也笑笑的離開. 
1/2, 11: 你帶我去逛Granville Island, 路上我熊抱你,挽你的手,挑逗你。到最後我問到最後有點求你跟我交往,你說okay, 因為我要去Summerland四個月,所以我們先交往看看,等我回來在看。你人很好的陪我一起在production way station等我弟接我回家. 在等的時候, 我們牽著手, 我頭靠在你的肩膀上, 我偷偷的親你的臉頰, 你說我的吻溫溫的, 濕濕的  之後我弟到了, 換你在我的臉頰上kiss goodbye. 雖然我們差一點就在skytrain上親吻,但是我俗辣轉頭過去。你後來說沒有親到我真是可惜, 我也是這樣覺得

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當我跟你說我喜歡你
你說 "damn i am good, my testosterone can influence other gender as well :)"
"but thank you for your admiration! unfortunately you are not the first male gender to propose to me! i guess it's cool but usually goes away when time passes...."
"i am sure it's just the heat of the moment thing you will realize it down the road"

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現在回去看我們的對話, 很明顯得你拒絕了我, 但是你不捨失去一個愛慕你的人, 所以你放長線要繼續釣我, 你的字眼中我看到你對我的好奇, 像一個科學家般的"觀察"我. 我不知道為什麼也在觀察你, 因為你實在是太鳥了!
你要我在你身邊慢慢的等你轉變你的性向, 我絕對不等你, 因為我知道我的價值, 愛上你是你的光榮, 不是拿來給你炫耀的. 其實那天跟你講完話, 我對你的愛已經死了一半了, 我不演瓊瑤的戲, 死守在你身邊等你的回眸. 
I moved on.

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  • Dec 18 Sat 2010 13:18
  • 告白

我跟你告白了, 你很禮貌的拒絕我, 同時發給我一張"朋友卡", 但是你留給我更我的疑惑. 真得很希望你是慘忍得拒絕我, 而不是這樣拐彎抹角的, 假裝給我一個有希望的未來.
因為我還是沒有辦法move on

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這兩個禮拜你都不再來MSN跟我聊天, 我不知道為什麼, 但是我也忙著準備我的考試跟paper. 強迫不想你, 所以專心在我的書, 反而我讀書變得更專心, 真是讓我下了一跳. 到是還是習慣打開你的msn視窗, 結果接連兩個禮拜你沒有上線, 你連給我跟你說生日快樂的機會都沒有. 會那麼專心讀書大概是因為對你冷漠火大, 想說我幹嘛這麼可悲等一個人的愛, 想說你有什麼了不起. 看起來下次要讀書的時候請一個朋友惹我生氣.
這兩個禮拜我忽然變得很冷靜, 不知道為什麼我對你的愛忽然變淡了. 不在想起你了.
今天你突然msn我問考試考得怎樣, 你沒有稱呼我potter有點不習慣. 你默默的接受我的離開, 不再跟我說留下來, 反之你問我什麼時候走. 我也漸漸習慣你的不存在

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你讓我好朋友哭了
老實說, 因該說我對你的衝動讓她難過, 這不是你的錯, 事實上, 你一直都不知情, 你什麼都不知道, 這些事都是我的空想. 硬是要把你扯進來還真是無辜, 真的是躺著也中槍.
事情是這樣子的, 我對你完全沒有性衝動. 就是如此的簡單. 不知道為什麼, 我每次在幻想你跟我在一起, 都是一些很清純的東西, 不是牽手散步, 不然就是兩個人坐在沙發上, 靠在對方的肩膀上看電視. 在那個超級迷你的那個禮拜, 我都完全沒有DIY, 重點是後來我無聊打開你的照片試著打打看, 完全硬不起來. 我第一領悟到說原來我是個居家domestic的人, 第二是原來我沒有把性愛看得這麼重. 可是我還是認為說性愛雖然不是愛情的中心跟全部, 但是還是很重要的一部分. 我有試著努力想像我們的性, 但是就像是保護級的床戲, 只有開頭跟結尾沒有翻雲覆雨的過程, 蜻蜓點水的帶過. 我何時變得這麼的清純?
我快畢業了, 最近在看別省的Grad school, 每看到一個學校, 同樣的想法就會出現-- 我捨不得離開你. 我明年要去別的地方做短暫的實習, 你每次看到我都跟我講說 "Don't Go" 你知道嗎? 只要你說"不要走, 我愛你, 留在我身邊陪我", 我會馬上放棄這個薪水優厚的工作, 二話不說衝到你懷裡. 從來就沒有一個人會讓我覺得犧牲我的工作的未來是很值得的事. 因為你, 我很快樂.

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  • Nov 27 Sat 2010 02:02
  • MSN

有一次你在老人院問我有沒有用MSN的習慣,我說有,其實雖然我的MSN都是online, 已經很少用。還記得上一次我在MSN上跟人長聊已經是04年的時候,那時候我瘋狂喜歡上一個人,就跟現在一樣。
你禮拜六問我,我回家以後就在等你加我,等到禮拜天晚上終於收到"接受好友"的email。你問我要不要去看skyline電影,我的心瞬間往下沈到谷底,原來你喜歡這種"大爆炸"的電影,我雖然不討厭這類的電影,但是我比較愛有靈魂的影片。雖然你後來有跟我解釋說在電影院的大銀幕看這種特效的電影才有它的價值,我承認你是對的,但是snobby 的我覺得你有點污辱到我的movie taste。不想直接拒絕你跟講我的理由,我騙你說我有考試所以沒有辦法,你很失望,我也很失望,因為我講了我們之間的第一個謊。
我們的聊天的內容其實很沒有營養, 其實大部分都是你在主導, 我只是你的忠實聽眾, 你愛傳你在網路上找到的圖片給我看, 你分享你一些很兒童不宜的笑話。也許別人會覺得我們的話題很奇怪, 也許我現在覺得是真的很奇怪, 但是當下我就是想聽你講這些東西, 因為這這些東西你不會在人面對面的時候講。有時候我都會覺得我再跟另外一個人講話, 因為你平常給人的感覺是很禮貌, 很老成的一個人, 哪知道你在網路上是這樣個人, 這一點你跟我上一個暗戀的人好像, 有時候我在想也許我喜歡奇怪的人,也許我再重道覆轍。
雖然我沒有考試但是有一個presentation,那個禮拜我都準備到很晚,但是你都會來關心我讀得怎樣,陪我聊天,我們都聊到很晚。當我準備到很煩, 騙你說我讀不下去了, 你講了一個笑話讓我開心, 我也真的開心起來了。後來想想,也許我這麼晚睡是要等你來跟我聊天。

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  • Nov 26 Fri 2010 03:46
  • 外號

你總是叫我Potter, 好像從我們第一次在MSN聊天你就這樣叫我。我則叫你老人家(old man),雖然你只有比我大一歲而已。我想是因為你總是穿襯衫跟卡其褲、你沒有facebook 、還有你那老成的臉,但是我就是喜歡你這樣。你也接受這個外號,雖然我之後都不好意思這樣叫你。為ㄧ一次你有小小的抗議,你要我叫你sexy old man,我也從善如流的這樣叫你,你很高興的說one point for griffindor, 我也很開心,因為你開心我也開心。
所以按照這樣講你就是鄧不利多, 但是我比較想當你的葛林戴華德, 雖然他們的下場我們都知道.

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一個人躺在床上
半夜三更,想著你
靜靜的

四周是平靜的
我的心是奔騰的
想著我們可能的未來
甜甜的

想著無數的招數
讓你注意到我 對 你 的

酸酸的

聽著Bruno Mars的歌
~because you are amazing
Just the way you are~
總愛在跟你MSN時
背景放這首歌
但是只有我聽得到
就跟我對你情感一樣
苦苦的

一個人躺在床上
半夜三更,想著你
靜靜的

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