目前分類:心情倒影 (20)

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So it's officially 2012. 2011 was a great year in a twisted and turn way for me. First I got into a relationship with someone that I have know of for years but never went forward to get know him. Why? Because he was too "sissy" for me. Sissy is an ungly word but it was the truth. He was acting in a way that no one would be surprsied if he said he was gay. Anyways he entered my life and man it was whirlwind romance. We got into relationship one day before I left for coop in Summerland. We said "I love you" to each other after few weeks into the long distance relationship. We, or more precisely I, rushed our first time when he came to Summerland for Valentine's Day. It was a romantic gesture and I ruined it with my impatient lust which I still feel bad even today. He however always embrace my "spontaneity" and I love him for that. This romantic vacation ended badly after he told he had doubt with our relationship and I refused to talk to him for a day. But don't worry because of course we made up and the really weird thing was that he told me recently that it was after that he realized he really loved me. Go figure. Then we had our first trip together as a couple and it was lovely. I now remember we had a fight about something the night before he flew to Kelowna and I have no recollection what we were fighting about. To tell the truth, I don't think we really fought. Yes we had arguements and it was usually one side being the angry and the other one being quiet because he knew he was wrong. It is something I'm pround of that we never fight and I hope we can keep it that way. We are going to celebrate our first anniversary in two days . Can you believe it! I can't, well couldn't when we began our relationship. Today we celebrate New Year Eve with the best possible way -- with people you love and with family. We cooked dinner for my family and he stayed at my house for the night, and most importantly I got to kiss my baby when the clock struck 12. It was a lovely way to end a great year and begin a fantastic year and I just know it.

2011 also marked the first time I left home for work. I had always lived with my parents and finally there was this chance to move for work, even though it was still in the same province. I moved out for 8 months and I loved every seconds of it, except I had to be away from my baby. Now looking back, we got lucky becasue the distance forced us to slow down when we both were so eager to be in love with the idea of being in a relationship, not in each other. It made us had to get to know each other first before we got love rushing into our head. Life is funny sometimes. Anyways I also got to meet with a lot of exciting people, made lots of great friends, and see many "interesting" people. I missed them because they filled my life in Summerland so much fun. Melissa, Colleen and Susan's were my great colleagues whom I just loved working with them everyday. Vivian was my support system and so was I to her. It is because of Vivian that I got to travel around interior BC (Nelson). Julie, John and Lesley filled my summer with activities and parties that I will treasure forever. I know will miss listening to Lily's rant in her car during our carpool and listening to Kathy's life stories. I have always thought I have an average boring life but my life is full of interesting characters that I dpn't feel a bore when I'm listening to them. Living in Summerland also made me relaized how much I long for independence and know what are the costs for that. The experience doesn't discourage me from getting my independence; it made me realize I do want it and I will know I need to cautious when apporoaching mine.

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現在回去看我們的對話, 很明顯得你拒絕了我, 但是你不捨失去一個愛慕你的人, 所以你放長線要繼續釣我, 你的字眼中我看到你對我的好奇, 像一個科學家般的"觀察"我. 我不知道為什麼也在觀察你, 因為你實在是太鳥了!

你要我在你身邊慢慢的等你轉變你的性向, 我絕對不等你, 因為我知道我的價值, 愛上你是你的光榮, 不是拿來給你炫耀的. 其實那天跟你講完話, 我對你的愛已經死了一半了, 我不演瓊瑤的戲, 死守在你身邊等你的回眸. 

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這兩個禮拜你都不再來MSN跟我聊天, 我不知道為什麼, 但是我也忙著準備我的考試跟paper. 強迫不想你, 所以專心在我的書, 反而我讀書變得更專心, 真是讓我下了一跳. 到是還是習慣打開你的msn視窗, 結果接連兩個禮拜你沒有上線, 你連給我跟你說生日快樂的機會都沒有. 會那麼專心讀書大概是因為對你冷漠火大, 想說我幹嘛這麼可悲等一個人的愛, 想說你有什麼了不起. 看起來下次要讀書的時候請一個朋友惹我生氣.

這兩個禮拜我忽然變得很冷靜, 不知道為什麼我對你的愛忽然變淡了. 不在想起你了.

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你讓我好朋友哭了

老實說, 因該說我對你的衝動讓她難過, 這不是你的錯, 事實上, 你一直都不知情, 你什麼都不知道, 這些事都是我的空想. 硬是要把你扯進來還真是無辜, 真的是躺著也中槍.

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  • Nov 26 Fri 2010 03:46
  • 外號

你總是叫我Potter, 好像從我們第一次在MSN聊天你就這樣叫我。我則叫你老人家(old man),雖然你只有比我大一歲而已。我想是因為你總是穿襯衫跟卡其褲、你沒有facebook 、還有你那老成的臉,但是我就是喜歡你這樣。你也接受這個外號,雖然我之後都不好意思這樣叫你。為ㄧ一次你有小小的抗議,你要我叫你sexy old man,我也從善如流的這樣叫你,你很高興的說one point for griffindor, 我也很開心,因為你開心我也開心。

所以按照這樣講你就是鄧不利多, 但是我比較想當你的葛林戴華德, 雖然他們的下場我們都知道.

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一個人躺在床上
半夜三更,想著你

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Here we go again with the journal   

 

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  • Jul 02 Wed 2008 16:35
  • 寂寞


我相信有時寂寞自找的

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  • Nov 29 Thu 2007 10:46
  • 密碼文章 F**K

  • 這是一篇加密文章,請輸入密碼
  • 密碼提示:f**k
  • 請輸入密碼:
Nothing makes more angry than people talking trash about homosexual. What did we ever do to you to make you hate us so much? Stop with all the stereotypes about us and start treat us like human being, not some kind of aliens. We are like you, a human being. We have feelings, too. Stop being ignorant. We are no different than you.

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底下這一篇是我們大方美麗又靈巧的Monica幫我寫的,真的很感動他願意花這個時間幫我寫出我將近一年的心情。感恩喔

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去老人院也快兩年了,跟老人家聊天也是工作之一。當跟老人談天之中總會有讓人莞爾的對話,並非是指我們看輕聊天這份責任,而是談天的內容是真的是在談"天"。天馬行空的內容有時候還是會讓我很無言以對,但是讓我沉思的話題還真是少見。

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雪花紛飛來這裡這麼久,到現在才知道住在溫哥華很好命,因為都沒有什麼重大災難。當上禮拜三的大風雨跟這禮拜六的大雪讓我們社區停電兩次,我深刻體會這點。住在溫哥華真是太幸福了

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口渴時倒水 那該倒多少 倒太少不滿意 倒太多會滿出來浪費
吃一大盤的義大利麵 是因該要惜福吃完,讓自己的胃痛苦了很久嗎?

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失落但也習慣了
一直以為自己已跳出那循環

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我大概算是蠻害羞、不然就慢熱、或是外冰內熱、不然就是裝正經的人(這些我朋友給我的形容,看你喜歡哪一個) 我覺得形容詞很對,我就是這樣的人 我碰到陌生的人絕對不會主動講話 我交朋友喜歡一對一這樣認識對方 我實在沒有辦法跟一群不熟的聊天 就算是熟人,只要跟人數超過十個以上一起吃飯,我的跟人溝通的能力就會消失,我永遠是那一群人中最安靜的人 我不覺得這樣子哪裡不好,也沒有意願改 我在生活營申請表上在自我介紹那一格寫上"我很安靜,不會主動跟人講話,但是我的朋友都不這麼認為" Alice還看不懂還來問我 Well, it's the truth 我跟不熟、不投心的人我跟本就懶的講話,但是一旦熟了,我就會秀出我的比較活潑的那一面 我跟三兩個朋友出去,講話最大聲或是在開玩笑的人大部分的都是我,所以我朋友才會有這種IMPRESSION
  

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最近跟Christine約出來聊天,我們聊了很多事,從對方的近況聊到學業最後聊到感情的事 感情的事聊的有點傷感,我們彼此都在過去的感情的路上犯了很多的錯誤 我們都知道要作自己不要假扮成另一個人不然不會自己會不快樂,但是我們現在的愛情世界還是空白的 我們呈現自己最真的一面卻又不受愛人的青睞 然到要變成另一個人,人家才會喜歡我們嗎? 當朋友說到沒有人喜歡他,我自然的安慰他說不會啦,外面多的是喜歡他的人 但是我又知道什麼,我連有沒有人喜歡我自己都很不確定了,我有什麼資格給人家連我自己的都在懷疑的希望呢?

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最近心情實在是不是很好 最近發生了很多不好或是不如意的事 讓我實在是快要撐不下去了 先是數學考的沒有比自己想中的好 考物理的時候徹底覺得自己是垃圾 自己覺得很孤單 MARK回台灣去我也有苦無處可吐 AMY一個禮拜也只會跟我碰面一次 而且他現在心思擺在他男朋友上也沒那個心情理我 身體健康實在是濫到變成病菌的練習場 體重最近也被電子"照妖鏡"一照之下 虛幻跟謊話就消失不見 留下的是恥辱跟殘忍絕望 腰圍是跟快樂指標成反比(大概除了孕婦以外大家都會這樣想吧) 跟幾個比較熟的人開開心心鬧 笑一笑反而覺得自己更空虛

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Well, 經過幾次的討(導)論, Andy跟我有了一個結論,那就是我不喜歡Yanco但是他已經是變成我的潛意識。只要我碰到類似的事我就會想起他。我只能靠時間才能慢慢忘記他。 This by far the best conclusion/counsellation I got. 我百分之八十或是九十同意他的講法,只有對於我喜不喜歡他的那一部分我不是很確定。我之所以不跟大家講我喜歡誰是因為我覺得我兩個根在一起本不會有結果,如果再一起也不會維持很久,我們兩個個性南轅北轍。既然我還是不是很確定我就不用跟其他人造成對方不必要的困擾。

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My cousin asked why I constantly used the MSN title"Good Morning, Sunshine." I didn't answer his question because I didn't know how. Well, I have my reasons. It's kind of hard to explain becuase it's too complex. But i will try my best to explain.First, "Sunshine" is a one of my TV characters' nickname. Everybody in the drama,"Queer as Folk", called him "Shushine" because he is blond and has a great smile. He , from the outsider of the group to a the centre of focus, warms up everyone with his sweet smile. I like him that never gives up on everything and always knows what he wants. And the the title "Good morning, Sunshine" is actaully a line from this drama. His partner,Brian, calls him that when they wake up. I like that scene--it's heartfelt and showing a lot love in these simple words.
Well, I would like to find my "Sunshine." I want say this line to someone I can connect to when I wake up and see sun light spays on her face. That's My Own Sunshine.

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