So it's officially 2012. 2011 was a great year in a twisted and turn way for me. First I got into a relationship with someone that I have know of for years but never went forward to get know him. Why? Because he was too "sissy" for me. Sissy is an ungly word but it was the truth. He was acting in a way that no one would be surprsied if he said he was gay. Anyways he entered my life and man it was whirlwind romance. We got into relationship one day before I left for coop in Summerland. We said "I love you" to each other after few weeks into the long distance relationship. We, or more precisely I, rushed our first time when he came to Summerland for Valentine's Day. It was a romantic gesture and I ruined it with my impatient lust which I still feel bad even today. He however always embrace my "spontaneity" and I love him for that. This romantic vacation ended badly after he told he had doubt with our relationship and I refused to talk to him for a day. But don't worry because of course we made up and the really weird thing was that he told me recently that it was after that he realized he really loved me. Go figure. Then we had our first trip together as a couple and it was lovely. I now remember we had a fight about something the night before he flew to Kelowna and I have no recollection what we were fighting about. To tell the truth, I don't think we really fought. Yes we had arguements and it was usually one side being the angry and the other one being quiet because he knew he was wrong. It is something I'm pround of that we never fight and I hope we can keep it that way. We are going to celebrate our first anniversary in two days . Can you believe it! I can't, well couldn't when we began our relationship. Today we celebrate New Year Eve with the best possible way -- with people you love and with family. We cooked dinner for my family and he stayed at my house for the night, and most importantly I got to kiss my baby when the clock struck 12. It was a lovely way to end a great year and begin a fantastic year and I just know it.

2011 also marked the first time I left home for work. I had always lived with my parents and finally there was this chance to move for work, even though it was still in the same province. I moved out for 8 months and I loved every seconds of it, except I had to be away from my baby. Now looking back, we got lucky becasue the distance forced us to slow down when we both were so eager to be in love with the idea of being in a relationship, not in each other. It made us had to get to know each other first before we got love rushing into our head. Life is funny sometimes. Anyways I also got to meet with a lot of exciting people, made lots of great friends, and see many "interesting" people. I missed them because they filled my life in Summerland so much fun. Melissa, Colleen and Susan's were my great colleagues whom I just loved working with them everyday. Vivian was my support system and so was I to her. It is because of Vivian that I got to travel around interior BC (Nelson). Julie, John and Lesley filled my summer with activities and parties that I will treasure forever. I know will miss listening to Lily's rant in her car during our carpool and listening to Kathy's life stories. I have always thought I have an average boring life but my life is full of interesting characters that I dpn't feel a bore when I'm listening to them. Living in Summerland also made me relaized how much I long for independence and know what are the costs for that. The experience doesn't discourage me from getting my independence; it made me realize I do want it and I will know I need to cautious when apporoaching mine.

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我們交往快一個月了, 感情從一開始很熱情, 很狂野, 我們很快的講說我愛你, 升級成為男朋友. 現在我不知道開始有猶豫了, 感覺熱情有點消失了. 我變成Carrie了 (完蛋了), 沒男朋友在那邊自我哀怨, 現在有了, 開始擔心感情沒有, 抱怨來抱怨去, 不知道感恩, 不知道自己要什麼! 

是熱情燒完了嗎? 還是現在感情在細水長流? 還是你不在我身邊所以感情沒有了對像了? 這些問題我在困擾自己.

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我們大概是最蠢的情侶, 我在我離開溫哥華前一天問他要不要跟我交往, 他也很傻的說好. 現在我們才過一個禮拜就已經想對方想到心痛,上班都不專心了, 這樣要怎麼撐過四個月? 但也可能是距離的關係, 我們感情加溫的很快, 一開始我有點害怕, 害怕我們因為都沒有談過, 衝這麼快因為我們要談戀愛的感覺. 在這禮拜中, 我已經覺的我愛你, 我不敢跟你講因為我怕嚇到你. 那晚我們在msn的時候, 你提到你要煮飯給我吃, 我本來想打我愛你, 但是一樣怕嚇到你, 所以我改成i love that. 你回說不對, 你愛我! 我看到的時候很高興的馬上打我愛你, 才傳我的回應沒多久, 我就看到你的回應, 我也愛你. 


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你說 "damn i am good, my testosterone can influence other gender as well :)"

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現在回去看我們的對話, 很明顯得你拒絕了我, 但是你不捨失去一個愛慕你的人, 所以你放長線要繼續釣我, 你的字眼中我看到你對我的好奇, 像一個科學家般的"觀察"我. 我不知道為什麼也在觀察你, 因為你實在是太鳥了!

你要我在你身邊慢慢的等你轉變你的性向, 我絕對不等你, 因為我知道我的價值, 愛上你是你的光榮, 不是拿來給你炫耀的. 其實那天跟你講完話, 我對你的愛已經死了一半了, 我不演瓊瑤的戲, 死守在你身邊等你的回眸. 

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  • Dec 18 Sat 2010 13:18
  • 告白

我跟你告白了, 你很禮貌的拒絕我, 同時發給我一張"朋友卡", 但是你留給我更我的疑惑. 真得很希望你是慘忍得拒絕我, 而不是這樣拐彎抹角的, 假裝給我一個有希望的未來.

因為我還是沒有辦法move on

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這兩個禮拜你都不再來MSN跟我聊天, 我不知道為什麼, 但是我也忙著準備我的考試跟paper. 強迫不想你, 所以專心在我的書, 反而我讀書變得更專心, 真是讓我下了一跳. 到是還是習慣打開你的msn視窗, 結果接連兩個禮拜你沒有上線, 你連給我跟你說生日快樂的機會都沒有. 會那麼專心讀書大概是因為對你冷漠火大, 想說我幹嘛這麼可悲等一個人的愛, 想說你有什麼了不起. 看起來下次要讀書的時候請一個朋友惹我生氣.

這兩個禮拜我忽然變得很冷靜, 不知道為什麼我對你的愛忽然變淡了. 不在想起你了.

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老實說, 因該說我對你的衝動讓她難過, 這不是你的錯, 事實上, 你一直都不知情, 你什麼都不知道, 這些事都是我的空想. 硬是要把你扯進來還真是無辜, 真的是躺著也中槍.

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  • Nov 27 Sat 2010 02:02
  • MSN

有一次你在老人院問我有沒有用MSN的習慣,我說有,其實雖然我的MSN都是online, 已經很少用。還記得上一次我在MSN上跟人長聊已經是04年的時候,那時候我瘋狂喜歡上一個人,就跟現在一樣。

你禮拜六問我,我回家以後就在等你加我,等到禮拜天晚上終於收到"接受好友"的email。你問我要不要去看skyline電影,我的心瞬間往下沈到谷底,原來你喜歡這種"大爆炸"的電影,我雖然不討厭這類的電影,但是我比較愛有靈魂的影片。雖然你後來有跟我解釋說在電影院的大銀幕看這種特效的電影才有它的價值,我承認你是對的,但是snobby 的我覺得你有點污辱到我的movie taste。不想直接拒絕你跟講我的理由,我騙你說我有考試所以沒有辦法,你很失望,我也很失望,因為我講了我們之間的第一個謊。

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  • Nov 26 Fri 2010 03:46
  • 外號

你總是叫我Potter, 好像從我們第一次在MSN聊天你就這樣叫我。我則叫你老人家(old man),雖然你只有比我大一歲而已。我想是因為你總是穿襯衫跟卡其褲、你沒有facebook 、還有你那老成的臉,但是我就是喜歡你這樣。你也接受這個外號,雖然我之後都不好意思這樣叫你。為ㄧ一次你有小小的抗議,你要我叫你sexy old man,我也從善如流的這樣叫你,你很高興的說one point for griffindor, 我也很開心,因為你開心我也開心。

所以按照這樣講你就是鄧不利多, 但是我比較想當你的葛林戴華德, 雖然他們的下場我們都知道.

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Here we go again with the journal   


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整個路程都沒有網路, 只好用 iPod touch 裡的功能記錄搭飛機的路程, 。很誇張,我有將近八年沒有搭過飛機,我對搭飛機比回台灣還興奮

溫哥華時間 9:35pm - 抵達溫哥華國際機場

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做coop已經一個多月了,在這短短的一個月中學到很多東西,像是SDS-PAGE 跟 column chromatography, 這些東西是之後會在學校裡會學到的東西,我現在是人家付我錢去學做這些東西,之後拿實驗課就會比那些還沒有做過coop的學生有很多優勢。想到這裡就很高興,我是個熱愛學習的人,雖然一開始做coop的時候會有一點不適應,已經習慣大學的自由學習的風氣,稍微懷念起毫無責任的學習空間。在工作環境,你的一舉一動別人都看在眼裡,每天都是評量天,你的學習狀態會決定你的project成果,重點是你的project是公司未來的產品,尤其我根本就還沒有拿過類似的實驗課,很東西都不會,搞砸什麼可不是說對不起就算了,整個壓力就來上來了。後來漸漸的上了軌道,很多實驗計巧都也上手了,想回學校的想法也不見了,尤其是我朋友在都在準備期中考,很慶幸自己暫時離開學校。

我現在工作的公司一個家只有20多人的公司,主要的產品是試條,像是試孕條或是測試是否得感染HIV, B型肝炎, C型肝炎或是你個更年期是否來了。各式各樣的試條,但是希望自己以後都不會用到這些都東西。公司主要有兩個部門:實驗跟生產,我是在實驗部門底下工作,我們的實驗主要是製造抗體跟抗原。整天都是在跟一堆的抗體奮鬥,心在想說自己本身會不會也吸收了很多抗體,搞不好到工作結束的時候,已經練就一身百毒不侵的身體(extra bonus?)

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